Okay, lets be honest. Planning a wedding with divorced parents is pretty crappy.
You’re one of the lucky ones if your parents and their new spouses can actually stay in the same room for 10.5 seconds and not fight.
Navigating drama and feeling stuck in the middle isn’t particularly fun for a grown-up who is about to get hitched themselves.
Whether you are stressing about your parents arguing or a pushy step-parent overstepping the mark, these are some of the problems you’ll likely encounter over the next few months and how to solve them…
Traditionally, the parents of the bride-to-be have the pleasure of requesting the company of friends and family ahead of the big day. This can be tricky, especially if either parent is old-fashioned or has helped pay towards the final costs of the wedding.
Solution: Use a more modern style of wording on your stationery. A direct invitation from yourself and your partner will help to avoid conflict.
If your parents and your in-laws aren’t already acquainted, organising an ice-breaker after your engagement is a no-brainer! Something simple such as a quiet drink at your favourite pub or inviting everyone around for a Sunday roast. Some personalities may be bigger and more overbearing than others, especially if there’s already friction.
Solution: Explain the situation to your in-laws and arrange separate meet-ups ahead of the big day. This way everyone can get to know each other individually.
Top Table Seating Plan
Because somebody will always have a tantrum over the seating plan!! You can’t please everyone. Admitting defeat early on will save you a fortune on wrinkle cream for worry lines.
Solution: Tell your parents that the two of them will be sitting with you – and it’s not up for discussion. They can invite their partner to bring up a chair after the meal. Or, there are also a few other options… Decide against a top table and ask your venue if longer trestle style tables are an option for your meal, so everyone can sit together. Or opt for a ‘bridal party only’ top table. Let your parents and their partners host their own table of family or friends. This may be a more relaxing option, allowing them to enjoy the meal in comfortable surroundings.
It’s completely understandable that you may want a family photo of just yourself, your parents and your siblings on the most important day of your life. And, it can be very upsetting if one parent objects or their spouse causes tension when the idea is mentioned.
Solution: Be sure to lay down the law. But also, be prepared to compromise at the same time. Speak with your parents and explain to them how important it is for you to have a family photo with both mum and dad – you may not have any pictures together since you were a kid! It will be painless and over in seconds. Mention that you have set time aside with your photographer to take separate pictures with new spouses/partners and any step-siblings. This way everyone is happy and feels apart of your special day.
Walking his little girl down the aisle is one of the proudest moments of a man’s life. This can be an emotional minefield if you have known your step-father for years and also share a close bond with him. Disappointing one of the role models in your life is the last thing you will want to do.
Solution: Ask both men if they will do the honor of walking you down the aisle together. You could also have two father-daughter dances. One at the start of the night and the other after your evening buffet.
The Guest List
Drawing up the guest list is the most stressful part of any wedding – and when your parents are split up, it can quickly spiral out of control! You have your parent’s family, your parent’s friends, your in-law’s family, your in-law’s friends AND your step-mum or step-dad’s family AND their friends too. Where does it all end!?
Solution: If you aren’t particularly close to your step-parents’ family and friends, it’s fairly reasonable to give them an afters invite only.
Image Credit: via Smart Groom.